I gently ease my naked body into the scented waters of my purification bath. Candle light flickers golden upon the walls of my silent sanctuary. I exhale, releasing and letting go of what I no longer need, submerging myself completely in the tub I lovingly refer to as my ‘cauldron of creation’.
Rhythmic breath moves through me like ocean waves washing upon the shores of eternity and memories begin to bubble up to the surface. Images and reflections flicker past, a 16mm film projects in my mind’s eye.
Swimming through subconscious waters, I do as I have done in the past, seeking to find the wounded places within me. I encounter an old scar, one that has been healing nicely.
Images of a person connected to my past floats into my vision and with it old, tangled thought patterns aligned with outmoded versions of myself. Thoughts conjure feelings from deep and dark places and I sense myself begin to slip down into an old familiar thought-spiral.
“Stop picking at the scabs on your wounded heart,” Spirit tells me. “You are done with that. Let your Self heal.”
Self-doubt causes me to ‘pick at the scabs’ instead of recognizing the self-work and healing I have already done. This has weakened me and has kept me from moving forward for far too long.
I realize how I am making myself suffer unnecessarily by doubting my progress and revisiting the pain, seeing through the eyes of my former self. I only re-injure myself by going back into old, negative thought patterns. It’s time to cut that cord and move on.
I am a different person now.
As I take healthy steps forward, reinventing myself and living to the fullest expression of my Being, I become aware of self-created patterns, which once kept me trapped in cycles of suffering. Sure, life is painful, but suffering is an energy that is self-created and is unnecessary.
I no longer wish to walk in my own old footprints. It’s time for me to progress into new territory. I am stronger than I think. I am READY. I have already suffered the ‘dark night of the soul’ and I have claimed my crown of enlightenment.
It is time for me to be Queen.
I place my Self back upon the Altar of Creation. Working with the cycles of the moon helps me move forward, dancing in rhythm with the tides and cycles of life, death, and rebirth. And on this dark moon, I choose sweet surrender.
Shedding the skin of my past, I allow the ego to dissolve completely. I release all control and leap into the void, detaching from all limitations and needless suffering. Freefalling into the underworld, I release illusion, especially the ones connected to identity.
I plummet downward, trusting myself completely to the void. I see my father standing at the edge, made of pure golden light. As I descend, my father leaps into the vortex with me, surrounding me in an illuminated embrace.
“I helped create you, did you think I would let you go through this alone?” his voice reassures me.
Memorable visions of a rafting trip down the Truckee River enter my mind space. With water levels being low, we unexpectedly hit a rock while floating downstream. The impact nearly bounced me out of the boat, but my father grabbed my life vest, yanking me back to safety.
I am not alone. I am safe and protected. I am ready.
On this dark moon I am in sweet surrender to all that is and all that I AM. I release the limitations and illusions created by ego and I let go, creating space for the new. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, dissolving into pure light.
Merging with the infinite, I am transformed as self-doubt is replaced by courage.
A shamanic or spiritual ‘death’ is a blessing when we recognize and choose to release old habits and patterns. Choosing to see ourselves differently, we give ourselves the gift of making healthy choices in life. Here, we are able to rebirth our Self into new ways of Being.
We suffer when we refuse to learn life’s lessons and evolve, staying stuck in the same painful cycles, unhealthy habits, and destructive patterns. We punish ourselves when we resist releasing aspects of our self, which we have outgrown, in order to evolve and be rebirthed in new ways.
There are many ways humans cause themselves to suffer unnecessarily; all of which are created by the ego. Here are a few ‘warning’ signposts for you to watch out for as you navigate your own Sacred Journey:
- Self pity
- Self-Judgment, judgment of others
- Self-Sacrifice (to the point where it affects your health)
- Diminishing the Self (giving away personal power)
- Diminishing your feelings or the feelings of others
- Seeking approval from others
- Lack of self-worth, feeling undeserving (of happiness, health, success, etc.)
- Making comparisons to other people (they are not a measuring stick for your self-worth)
- Self-Delusion (lying to the Self)
- Resentment, Grudges, Inability to forgive
- Holding onto the pain of the past
- Resistance to change
- Ignorance (pretending everything is just ‘fine’)
- Fear (False Evidence Appearing Real)
- Shame (A dynamic created by other people. We allow them to make us feel shame.)
- Guilt (Also brought on by other people. We allow them to make us feel guilty.)
- Anger (use this ‘fire’ to create something positive!)
- Lack of compassion for self or others
- Lack of Self-Love
- Not being open to receive (love, healing, help from others)
- Expectation (release expectation and everything you receive is a gift)
- Attachment to limiting belief systems
- Attachment to material possessions
- Attachment to identity/social status
- Toxic people
- Fear of rejection
- Holding on to abandonment pain
- Need to control situations, people (control is an illusion)
- “Stirring the pot”
- Looking for problems
- Jumping to conclusions
- Choosing to always see the negative side of things
- Making assumptions & creating scenarios in the mind that are not true